by James Corbett
corbettreport.com
March 30, 2025
I know what you're thinking right now: "What shopping bags should I use?"
And I know why you're thinking it: because you just read that exact question in The New York Times:
And I know why you're reading The New York Times: because you're an up-and-coming would-be member of the coastal liberal establishment and you want to signal to other members of that tribe that you're on their team.
And I know the mental pretzel knots you're twisting yourself into trying to answer that NYT question. Paper bags used to be better than plastic because they're biodegradable, right? But now they're . . . not? Because of how they're manufactured? Or something?
And I know why this question of paper or plastic bag is bothering you so much: not because you're concerned about the environment but because you know your fellow coastal hipster trendies will judge you for your choice. You know there's a right answer here, but you don't know what it is! AARGH!
Yes, as it turns out, virtue signalling is complicated. But never fear! This week I'm here to provide you with the complete guide to virtue signalling for your tribe of choice, whether you're a Bernie-cheering, woke progressive activist or a hopium-swilling, Trump-voting MAGA cap-wearer. With this guide in your hand, you'll never have to worry about accidentally signalling that you're on the other political team ever again!
And wait, there's more! This guide has been UPDATED! with all the latest information for 2025 because, as you know, the last several years have seen some pretty wild twists and turns in the standard left/right narrative.
And I know what you're thinking now: "I'd better subscribe to The Corbett Report so I can find out how to properly signal my (political) gang affiliations!"
Indeed!
Grocery bags
Yes, the age-old question of "paper or plastic" is an important one. How else will people know that you truly care about Mother Nature if you don't have the right answer to this question? So, what does the guide say?
What the guide says:
Paper, of course! Everyone knows paper biodegrades and is recyclable whereas plastic is a manmade monstrosity that stays in landfills for thousands of years and kills cute little sea turtles! Everyone who gives a hoot doesn't pollute with plastic bags, and if you see someone at the grocery store choosing plastic you should shame and shun him for the nature-hating, Big Oil-supporting greedy, selfish asshole that he so self-evidently is!*
*UPDATE! OK, it turns out the paper or plastic question is . . . well . . . complicated. Actually, it's "mind-boggling," according to the boffins over at How Stuff Works.
You see, when you calculate the greeny-weeniness of a product (yes, that's the scientific term), you have to take into account how that product is produced, how many resources are consumed in the creation of that product, where the product is manufactured and how it's transported, etc. And, when you factor those costs in, it turns out that standard polyethylene shopping bags not only have the smallest environmental footprint of any type of grocery bag (1/4 that of their paper counterparts) but paper bags are "significantly worse than the conventional [plastic] bag for human toxicity and terrestrial ecotoxicity due to the effect of paper production."
In other words, if you've chosen paper over plastic because you were trying to save the earth, you've been doing it wrong this whole time!
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